


Clipped Wings

by CaptainLokii



Series: Beautiful Angels and their besotted demons [5]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 11:04:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19208086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainLokii/pseuds/CaptainLokii
Summary: Crowley had realised there was more to Aziraphale's suffering than just his insecurities and he was damned if he wasn't going to get to the bottom of it.In his search for the truth and to safe Aziraphale he has to face his own insecurities and things from the past he had long since forgotten.





	Clipped Wings

**Author's Note:**

> So once again this went somewhere I didn't expect but apart from the first little bit I'm really happy with it.
> 
> As i've said before I really wanted to delve into Crowley's own insecurities and this is the start of my attempt at that.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.

He'd felt it he knew that. Back at the restaurant and after Aziraphale calmed down. A spark in the air like electricity was circling around him. He also knew what that meant. It meant an angel was using their magic nearby. 

He'd say it was Aziraphale who in his distress was unable to control his powers but after all the years of being by the angels side he'd gotten used to his particular magical signature and this wasn't him. This one felt nasty and cruel which in his personal opinion covered all angels but one so didn't really narrow down the list of people it could be but he was still going to find out and stop them even if it killed them. Someone was hurting his angel and they were going to burn for it. 

It had taken hours to completely calm Aziraphale down after his outburst. The initial outburst racked the poor soul with guilt for what he'd said and done and he spent the next few hours crying and apologising and saying he should never be forgiven before just going completely silent other than the occasional hiccup from crying. 

He'd ended up crying so much he was so worn out he'd gone limp in his arms and Crowley found himself having to carry him to bed where the angel buried himself in the duvet and lay there so still Crowley couldn't tell if he was sleeping or just so completely lost he'd given up. 

He'd left him laying there with a promise of only being in the shop so if he wanted anything all he had to do was call for him, that he loved him eternally and to get some rest whilst he sorted a few things. 

Aziraphale had the largest collection of books on supernatural beings known to man kind. Most of which were complete nonsense and just the ramblings of nutcases throughout history but some of them in the same vein as Agnes Nutters nice and accurate prophecies were entirely true. This came in rather handy when it came to summing an angel. Sure he'd summoned one before when he'd got that bastard back for his dickish way's but this was different. Wards had been raised in heaven so that not just anybody let alone a lowly demon could summon an angel down to earth. He'd need something ancient that they hadn't thought to cover to get one of this feathery bastards into the shop. 

He pulled the oldest dustiest and worst smelling book he could find off the shelf and flicked through the pages. If Aziraphale had been in his right mind at that moment Crowley was sure he'd've heard the pages fluttering from the bed room and come running out screaming that he couldn't just READ such a delicate book and that he needed to go through the proper procedures like putting on little white gloves made of silk and never breathing on the pages and he'd've nodded along attentively whilst his beautiful angel got more and more flustered flittering around the shop collecting cloves and a soft stick to turn the pages. But he wasn't here instead he was in the back room a shell of his angelic self because some absolute bastard was hurting him and he was going to find out who. 

Page after page there were different charms and sigils for summoning an angel most of which even he would consider gruesome and Aziraphale would go ballistic if he performed in his little shop. He eventually managed to find one that didn't require any sacrifices of animals or humans but instead only the blood of the summoner. Aziraphale still wouldn't be pleased with him bleeding in his shop but needs must. 

He drew the correct sigil on the floor with chalk and used the letter opener Aziraphale kept on his desk to drag a deep cut down the back of his arm. He'd always thought it stupid in film when blood was required people cut their palm. The amount of time that would take to heal with constant moving was unreal on top of the chance of infection. Did they not think where their hands WENT? No the back of the arm was much better. He let the blood drip down his arm and on to the sigil at his feet. As if the iron in the blood was magnetically attracted to the chalk lines it flowed round the chalk turning the whole thing red and glowing. The glow got bigger and brighter till it was floor to ceiling and a high pitch screeching sound came from within. 

The screeching got louder and closer to the light and suddenly there was an angel standing before him looking rather dishevelled and thoroughly pissed off. Probably because they'd just been dragged wings first through the barrier between heaven and earth and dumped on their ass in the middle of a little bookshop in Soho. 

“You. I demand to know what is being done to Aziraphale” he said not giving the angel chance to pull themselves together. 

“I was in the middle of a meeting what is the meaning of this?” the angel glared at him unable to move from their spot as the summoning charm apparently had them pinned in place by their wings. 

“I want to know what your lot are doing to Aziraphale and why. If you don't tell me then things are going to get very very difficult for you all” 

“I don't know what you're talking about demon now release me. Nobody cares about that little traitor” He lashed out angrily striking the angel hard across the face. 

“Don't you talk about him like that. One of your lot is doing something to him and its hurting him now I want to know who and why so tell me or I will go up there myself and find out” 

The angel was struggling against their bonds now. “You wouldn't last five seconds in heaven demon you don't belong there any more.” the malice in the angels eyes as they tugged furiously at their own wings was striking. 

It seemed though that he didn't have a high enough ranking feathered bastard to find out what was going on. Being a creature of impulsivity he saw only one option “Well I guess things in heaven are about to get shaken up a bit” he said as he stepped into the sigil grabbed hold of the angel and dropped the wards holding them in place. He now understood that the screeching noise he'd heard earlier wasn't the sound of a travelling being but the screams of agony as they were ripped from one reality to the next. 

White and blue light spun around them as they were dragged skywards. His whole body burned like he was being bathed in holy water yet his skin remained unchanged. He'd never felt pain like it but it was worth it for saving Aziraphale. 

He didn't have a plan. When did he ever have a plan? He didn't even have a plan when he decided to summon a damn angel into their living space yet here he was now travelling at a million miles an hour fast even for his standard through dimensions. 

The pain built and built until he to was screaming in agony. It got so bad he couldn't keep hold of the angel any more and suddenly he was falling and falling like there was no chance of it ever stopping until it suddenly all stopped. No more pain and no heavy impact onto the ground even though there was definitely something beneath him. 

The pain from his fall had sucked all the breath out of him and he coughed and spluttered as he tried to roll over. He opened his eyes and blinked at the blinding light around him as he staggered to his feet. His shades had been lost in the fall and not even the remnants of broken frames and glass were nearby to protect him from such a bright light. 

He looked around the seemingly endless room around him. He was definitely inside he could tell that due to the lack of sky or wind but he also couldn't see any visible walls around him in the great expanse of white.

He shuffled a few steps forward with his arms out in front of him half expecting it to be an optical allusion and the walls were only a few feet in front of him just waiting for him to smash his nose on but still nothing. He kept walking, slowly regaining his breath and his eyes adjusting to the blinding light with no apparent source. 

He was beginning to think maybe this had been a bad idea to be so impulsive. He knew other ways of getting to heaven he'd lived there once. He'd just been so angry when he'd realised that someone was using magic on Aziraphale he didn't have time to think. If he HAD had time to think it would've probably made more sense to consult Aziraphale on the matter and get his help on both getting in to heaven but also finding out who was doing it. He didn't even know what exactly this person was doing to his angel but what ever it was it was causing his angel pain and they would suffer for it. 

He had a theory who it was. In fact he was 99% certain he knew exactly who was targetting Aziraphale but finding the bastard who was probably hiding behind a wall of foot soldiers who blindly follow every word he said without any thought was making getting to him difficult. 

He marched on through the endless light hoping for any sign of a door or window or person but nothing came. He kept going and going for hours or days or weeks or years he wasn't sure. There was no way of telling how much time had passed in here. He'd looked at his divers watch that he'd kept in perfect condition since the day he bought it but the time at remained frozen at exactly 11:53 pm and 17 seconds which he guessed was the moment he landed in this place. If he were any being other than a demon or even an angel he felt like he'd've long since died of starvation or dehydration or even just exhaustion as he kept marching forward. He couldn't give up now. Not even because he wanted to help Aziraphale but because where would he go? He didn't know where he was to escape it. There was no library of books like at the shop to tell him what symbols to draw or endlessly knowledgable angel he could turn to every time he didn't have an answer. He was alone. 

“You are not alone child” a voice said from somewhere. He spun around expecting to see an angel standing behind him but the space was still empty. On top of all this he was bloody hearing things to. “You aren't losing your mind either Crowley” the voice said again. It was a female voice, soft and kind and so familiar yet new to his ears. 

“Who are you?” he asked spinning round hoping to catch a glimpse of the voices source “Where are you?” 

“I am all” the voice said from above him this time. “You have come with a question?” it asked. 

“I've got a lot of bloody questions right now like who and where the hell are you” the voice didn't sound in anyway threatening but he didn't like things he couldn't explain and this whole experience was something he could definitely not explain. 

“But you come with a purpose my child a purpose fuelled by love” 

“Show yourself” he demanded preparing to fight what ever stepped out of the light around him. 

“As you wish” the voice said and the light around him began to glow brightly for a few seconds then fade to leave a kindly looking woman standing before him. She looked neither young nor old nor pretty nor ugly and wore a simple white gown and shoe. All together she was entirely unremarkable like he'd forget her the moment he broke eye contact yet something about her kept his eyes focused souly on her. “It's been a long time since I've seen you Crowley” she said walking towards him with a smile “I remember the day of your creation like I do all my children. Come” she said gesturing for him to follow. He immediately started walking in time with her steps without realising he'd told his body to move. “You remember me also don't you Crowley?” she said again with a twinkle in her eye that sent memories flashing before his eyes. 

He remembered the first time he'd opened his eyes on his creation day. There were thousands of others like him standing around having just woken up to. His long white feathers spread out and fluttered behind him. He was filled with all the knowledge in the universe yet was still completely naive to the world. He remembered a woman walking down the rows of new creations talking kindly with each of them until she stopped in front of him “You are not like the others Crawley” she'd said “You are made with purpose” He hadn't understood what she'd meant as she'd walked away and soon forgot about it as he came to understand the world of heaven and the order of things. He was assigned a position in the armies of heaven and that was his life. Till he saw the beautiful blond fellow creation on the eastern gate when marching one day. He'd fallen out of step with his fellows because he couldn't take his eyes off of him. He didn't notice his standing there watching but his superior had and a feather had been plucked from his wing for it. The woman had appeared to him again that day. “Your purpose is starting Crawley my child. Prepare yourself” he still hadn't understood what she'd meant and quickly forgot. 

Life in heaven took a turn from that point on. From seeing the beautiful blonde angel on the gate he found himself compelled to go back and watch from afar as the being read books and talked politely with the arch angels that walked past. Still he didn't notice him. His superiors noticed though and more and more feathers were plucked from his wing as punishment. 

He'd been nursing his painful wings one day after patrols when a tall fair angel he knew only by reputation sauntered into the room. Lucifer was his name and he was God's favourite creation. He'd spoken to him shiny words about a new world without punishment where his wings would be restored and he could do real good in the world and spend time on earth with the humans allowing them to act out their free will which heaven would not allow. He'd said that today was the day they would revolt against the kingdom of heaven and form a world of their own. A world of peace. 

He hadn't meant to do it. He never meant to join up with them he just wanted the pain to stop. Angel wings didn't heal and regrow feathers like birds did. They bled and were agony all times and he just wanted it all to stop. He'd been so proud of his beautiful white wings when he was created and now only a few feathers and bloody bone was left. 

There had been war that night a war he'd run from and hidden as rain and thunder and darkness rained down around him. He'd run and hidden in a corner of the garden and cried as Lucifer and his gang took on the angels. 

“Are you hurt?” a soft voice had said to him as he hid beneath the leaves of a large plant. He'd looked up to see the beautiful face of the angel of the gate looking at him with worried kind eyes. He'd held a hand out to him “come the gate is safe for now” and he lead him to the spot he'd first seen him sat on on patrol all that time ago. “Your wings” he'd said reaching out worriedly “What happened to your wings. Did that fool and his army get to you? Oh you poor man” He'd put a gentle hand on the small of his back between his wings and the pain had been sucked from his body. “There” he'd said “all better” he'd looked over his shoulder at his broken wings which looked as grim as before but the pain was now gone. 

“Thank you” he'd whispered carefully touching the flesh to see if they'd hurt again. 

“Why were you hiding down here? The fight is almost over and God has thrown those fools out of heaven and clipped their wings. Lucifer claims he will create his own kingdom now of which he will rule. Foolish boy, always was” 

“He said it wouldn't be like this. That things would be better” he'd sobbed “He said if I went with him I wouldn't be punished any more. I don't want to be kicked out of heaven I don't want my wings clipped again. Please don't let them take me. Please” he'd begged. The angel had looked at him horrified. 

“You are one of them? One of his...oh what did the foolish boy call himself? Demons?”

“I don't want to be. I don't want to fight any body I just wanted to be left alone” He hadn't known it was going to lead to this he'd just thought of it as a new job. He didn't want to leave heaven. 

“Shh It will be alright I'm sure if you just apologise then God will forgive you and you can stay” 

The angel spoke to him kindly for a while till the sound of fighting died down and they saw a stream of beings all in black leave from the northern gate and start walking across the plains. He'd breathed a sigh of relief as he wasn't dragged to join the line as they were kicked out of heaven. 

“come” the blonde angel had said “let's go to seek God's forgiveness” He'd offered him his hand once more and he'd taken it gladly as they walked through the garden and saw all the destruction around them. Bodies of angels he'd known from patrols were littering the paths and blood stained the dirt at their feet. This hadn't been what he'd wanted. He never wanted anyone to get hurt. 

They'd walked up to the tower gates where angels were gathered around nursing the wounded and bringing back the dead. Nobody noticed them walking by. Not until he tried to enter the tower. The angel had stepped in first and held the door for him to follow but a barrier prevented him. He pushed against the glistening barrier but still couldn't get through. The angel walked back through the door like nothing was there and tried to help him through it but no matter what he did he couldn't pass. 

Then the pain had started. The pain of his wings being ripped from his spine leaving only bloody stumps in their wake. “No! He'd cried as the twitching bones had fallen to the ground “No please” he'd begged the air around him. “Don't let them do this please” the pain in his back began to split once more as more bones began to sprout out. “Oh thank you!” he'd cried as new wings began to sprout from out. They reached a span slightly bigger than his originals but still were featherless. “oh thank you God!” he'd pleaded “I'm so sorry for following him I truly am” The angel had helped him to his feet kindly. 

“See I told you she was the forgiving sort” 

Then the feathers started sprouting but they weren't the pure white feathers he'd had before. These were long and inky black “What's happening?” He'd cried stroking the feathers “why are they black?” other angels were looking now at him with fear in the eyes. 

“You have fallen my child” that voice had said the voice of the woman he'd heard so many times since his creation “You are no longer of heaven though not of hell either” 

“No please!” he'd begged “I don't want to leave heaven!” 

“You will not be leaving heaven just yet my child you still have a purpose to forefil nor will you go to hell when it is done. You have a destiny to discover child and you are only at the beginning” 

“But I don't want a destiny I just want to be me” 

“And you shall young one, you shall. Soon you will not remember this day and neither will young Aziraphale here but one day you shall meet again when your destiny comes to the fore. You both play a very important role in the future of heaven, hell and those in between. Do not worry for we shall meet again” She'd said and suddenly he'd found himself waking up under a fruit laden tree deep in the garden with no memory of how he got there or why. He hadn't remembered the beautiful angel either nor when they met once more many years later. 

“you remember now” the woman said bringing him back into the white room “You remember you have a destiny?” 

“Who are you?” he demanded backing away from the woman in fear “What have you done to my mind? My memories?” 

“You know who I am child I am your creator” she held her hands out to him as if beckoning him in for am embrace. 

This was God? This was the creator of all things? His mind was racing as more and more memories of meeting this woman flashed before his eyes. So many times she'd been there and so many times he'd forgotten.

“You did this to me...” he said suddenly “I sort your forgiveness and you didn't listen...all this time...all that pain... the things I had to do so Lucifer and his cronies didn't kill me? That was all you” he was so filled with rage at the realisation of what had happened “Why did you do it? Why couldn't I be forgiven like all the humans? Why was I so bad?”

“You weren't bad child. Like I told you many years ago you are neither angel nor demon, neither good nor bad and that holds true today” 

“But you sent me to hell? You sent me with the demons and clipped my wings! You made me start the apocalypse!” 

“And still you found yourself drawn to the angel of the eastern gate. Still you found yourself stopping the world from ending and preventing the death of billions and saving the life of the child that would start it all. This is your destiny Crowley to save people in ways angels and demons can't” 

It didn't make sense. Destinies didn't work like that. It would've been in that Nutter woman's book if it was his future. 

“We only allowed her to see what she needed to see” God explained. Oh he did not like having his mind read. 

“Why am I not allowed to remember my past? Why Did I have to fall to forefil it?” he demanded 

“Because you would fight it” she said simply “You and Aziraphale both have fought your destinies for so long. Some things we can allow like your falling in love for it was pure and true but others like your meeting to early we could not. Things had to fall precisely in the timeline for the destiny to be for filled and you have done it my child. Your being here means it is done” 

“How is it done?” he asked confused “How is coming to wherever the hell this is to kill an angel equate to me for filling my destiny?”

“Love” she said with a knowing smile. 

“Love?” he asked with a glare.

“This place is not heaven nor is it hell or limbo but a new realm created by your love for Aziraphale. The original plan called for platonic love but some things even I cannot foresee and your romantic love was much more potent. Your sacrifice to get here with the intention of freeing your love from the control of a falling arch angel created this place for those who are yet to be. A place for those who truly seek forgiveness like you did in the garden a place for those to learn and help the world be a more forgiving place. You cannot have pure goodness or pure evil without forgiveness Crowley you know that more than anyone.” 

“A place for people seeking forgiveness when you couldn't forgive me for not wanting to be tortured any more? Because that's what your precious angels did. They tortured me! Do you know why? Because I looked at Aziraphale and saw the most beautiful being in all of creation and I couldn't look away. All of this because of that. It's sick!” he couldn't believe the audacity of this woman. Creating a place for forgiveness when she couldn't even forgive one person. He was practically a child in the life of an angel yet he wasn't allowed to make one mistake. 

“I'm sorry for your suffering my child but can't you see that this is to prevent such things in the future? Certain beings, the one you came to kill included, can never truly seek forgiveness for they have no love in their heart. But others out there like you who may have done or will do terrible things like Adam down on earth they sought forgiveness and it was true. This is for the greater good” 

“And what of Aziraphale? Why must he be tortured for me to forefil my destiny? Did you not see is suffering and try and stop it?” This was sick. She knew what Gabriel was doing and she hadn't tried to stop him? She'd let him fall for not wanting to be hurt but let Gabriel remain and arch angel when he was torturing one of his own. 

“I have my regrets Crowley and young Aziraphale's suffering is one of them but it is not only of Gabriel's doing. Gabriel has been using both your insecurities against you by manipulating Aziraphale's mind in retaliation for your little prank. Your night at the Ritz he went to far with his control in a fit of rage at seeing you happy and you caught on. I assure you that his hold has been removed and he will be suitably punished for his actions but the blame doesn't rest on him alone. Gabriel put nothing in his mind that wasn't already there or in your mind.” she gestured for him to follow her as she walked further into the white nothingness. “Some of the blame lies with me for your guilt over falling. Some lies within your own mind for your belief that you aren't good enough. You know as well as I do that you don't keep your serpent eyes because you can't change them but merely because you don't think you are worthy of your old eyes. I remember creating you Crowley I know what your true eye is and that is not it. Same goes for your given name. You were not named Crawley for your future time as a snake but you changed it out of guilt for what you did whilst in that form. Why else would Aziraphale use those things to hurt you? Do you not see? Aziraphale thinks your eyes are beautiful regardless of them being serpent or angel just as you think he beautiful regardless of his physical appearance.” they kept walking until a door seemingly materialised out of nowhere with no walls holding it upright or hinges in which for it to open. “Aziraphale truly believed he was unworthy of your love but has since come to realise it is true. He has also come to realise you think him beautiful regardless of the size of his physical vessel but he struggles to see the same beauty within himself. Without the hold of Gabriel upon him and with you to stand by his side he can get better but it will be no quick fix.” They stopped when they reached the door “Now you must return to earth Crowley and live your life free of destinies to forefil. It is your chance to live a truly free life where you can make your own choices. Just promise me you will choose wisely” She smiled at him warmly “Go now and find your love. I believe he's got himself awfully worried in the weeks you've been missing. Do apologise on my behalf for the delay”. The door swung open and seemed to glide towards him as God stepped out of its path. 

“Wait!” he called out as the door approached “Will I remember this after?” he asked.

God looked back at him with a kind smile “Yes my child this time you will. Now go back to where you truly belong” the door swooped in and passed over him and he woke with a start on the dusty floor of the bookshop. 

He groaned and rolled over on to his back thankful to not be blinded by more white light but instead the feint glow of street light's coming in through the window. He hauled himself to his feet suddenly feeling tired from what was apparently many weeks of walking and looked around the shop.

The spot on the floor where he'd put the sigil was slightly singed and looked like someone had scrubbed hard at it to remove the markings and failed. Aziraphale always had been a bit of a clean freak he thought to himself. 

The rest of the shop was not so clean. Books and book shelves were thrown around the place with little care for where or what state they'd fallen in. Pages upon pages were strewn torn around the places and the shelves looked like they'd been beaten with such anger. Nothing showed any sign of Aziraphale being present. 

“Angel?” he called out into the darkness “Angel are you here?” he carefully made his way over the rubble of books to the back room office which was in much the same state as the shop itself. Still no sign of Aziraphale. On his desk was a notepad with neat writing scrawled across it. It didn't look like it had been sitting there long as it had no dust like everything else in the room. He stepped over a broken chair on the floor and went to read what it said. Just as he managed to reach he desk he heard the smash of ceramic on wooden floor and spun round preparing for an assault but instead found Aziraphale standing there completely frozen. 

It was Aziraphale but he was a shadow of the once perfectly presented man he'd left behind. His precious coat was torn at the shoulder and his bow tie hung untied around his neck. His shirt was untucked his waist coat unbutton and it didn't look like his shoes had been shined in a long time. Even his perfect blonde curls hung raggedly over his forehead sticking up at odd angles. 

“Crowley?” he whispered as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing “Is it really you?” his voice was so small and unsure it broke his heart to hear. 

“It's me Angel. I'm sorry I was gone for so long I didn't mean to leave you. I don't even know how long I was truly gone for but I can explain I promise” 

The angel didn't move from the doorway to the bedroom. “I heard you screaming...I saw the sigil...I thought you'd died...I thought you were gone...I...I...” Aziraphale suddenly bolted forward and flung his arms around him burying his face in his neck “I thought I'd lost you forever Crowley. Oh my Crowley. I thought I was alone. I couldn't face eternity without you. I went looking I tried everything I even went to heaven and hell but no one knew anything. Then Gabriel fell and some of his followers came looking for me and you didn't return to save me like you've always done I was so certain it was real and that you were gone. You used a blood sacrifice Crowley. Why would you do that?” The angel sobbed as he clung to him like his life depended on it. “Why would you leave me”

If is heart wasn't broken before it was certainly blown into smithereens seeing Aziraphale like this. “I did it to save you my Angel. I did it to stop Gabriel before he went to far but I met an obstacle along the way. I have so much to tell you my love but I think for now what we both really need is.”

“If you say copious amounts of alcohol I will miracle your hair green” Aziraphale said though his voice was muffled by the fabric of his jacket.

“I was going to say some hot cocoa with the perfect amount of marshmallows but if you'd prefer something a little stronger....” he teased. 

“Cocoa sounds lovely” The angel whispered. 

Aziraphale removed himself from his neck for long enough for cocoa to be made but never took his eyes off him as if making sure he didn't disappear again. They now sat on the only not trashed surface in the office area drinking steaming cocoa with exactly 5 marshmallows on top. 

“I don't even know where to begin” he admitted blowing on the steaming mug. 

“Why were you performing a blood sacrifice in the middle of my shop floor would be a start” Aziraphale prompted as he sipped his drink. 

“At the Ritz I felt angelic magic being performed but it wasn't you. I know what your magic feels like and this wasn't it. It started when you got upset and stopped when you calmed down So I knew something wasn't right. Someone was doing something to you to make you act like that. There was only one person I could think of who would do that but the old routes of summoning are gone since the last time I made him get his feathery ass down here so I found the only route I could that didn't involve either sacrificing a virgin, a child or an animal. I called some low ranking angel down and they wouldn't give me any information and I was furious so I jumped into their magic field when I released them to get back to heaven. It hurt so much that was why you heard me screaming but I couldn't hold on to them it hurt so much and I fell. I was falling for so long then I was in this room this endless white room and I walked for weeks. I thought I would never get out of there that's why I was gone so long I walked for weeks and weeks that time no longer seemed real but I couldn't give up I knew I needed to find a way out of there because you needed me. Then she arrived.” 

“She?” Aziraphale asked curiously.

“God. She came to me in the room and said I was fulfilling my destiny in being there. Did you know we met before that day on the gate? You were with me when I fell and she made us forget because apparently it was to soon in the timeline for us to meet.” he continued ranting furiously explaining everything God had said to him about the new realm and forgiveness and his eyes and Gabriel's punishment and about his being not of heaven or hell an Aziraphale listen attentively to every word. “I didn't want to leave you for so long Angel I swear it and I came back the moment I could. I came back because I love you so much” 

Aziraphale looked from his mug to him to the trashed room around them. “I thought you had died. I thought I would never see you again. They came for me and did this” he gestured to the shop “Because of Gabriel falling and I didn't stop them. I thought they were going to kill me and I would have welcomed it but they were cruel and let me live so I could suffer alone for eternity and you are telling me it was all God's doing? The creator of all things good in the world?” Aziraphale looked like he was struggling to believe what he was saying to him. 

“She's also the creator of all that is evil. She did make Lucifer after all. Do you remember where you were the night Lucifer fell? What you were doing?” 

“I was on the gate as always it was my duty” Aziraphale said then thought about it for a moment “But I left after the fighting stopped...I can't remember... it's all blank...” 

“Because you heard me crying and hiding from Lucifer and his army. You healed my pain and tried to take me to God to ask her forgiveness but I fell before I got there. She made us forget what happened so we would meet again in the future. I promise you Angel this is the truth. I promised I would never lie to you and I've yet to break that promise.”

“I just don't understand why” 

“I don't either and if I'm honest I don't care because at the end of it all I got to come home to you.” he reached out and took the angels hand in his “I never want to spend a second away from you again. I'm sorry it took so long for me to realise what Gabriel was doing to you and to stop him. I failed you and can't forgive myself for it but I will try better in future to be a better partner to you...if that's what you still want...I know I've been gone a while” He searched the angels eyes for any hint that he might not want him around any more. God had said they were destined to be together but he still couldn't believe it unless he heard it from Aziraphale himself. 

“I said such cruel things to you Crowley. I called you a snake, I called you Crawley and I know how much you hate that. It's not you who needs my forgiveness but I yours. I said those things to you even if Gabriel was making me. They were my words meant to hurt you.” 

“But they weren't! God explained it all. Gabriel was using my fears to put in your mind to hurt me. He's a sick and twisted bastard and I hope wherever he is now he's suffering greatly. You need forgiving for nothing Aziraphale.” 

Aziraphale sat looking around the room for a moment and down at his dishevelled clothes. “I don't know what to do when you aren't here any more Crowley. I just sort of stop existing.” Crowley felt the magic in the room begin to build but this time it was all Aziraphale. Drawers and books and the shelves they came from began to rebuild themselves. He could hear the things in the shop doing the same thing. Piece by piece everything slotted back into place until it was once again immaculate apart from the dishevelled angel still sat beside him. 

“Would you?” he asked smiling at him sweetly like he had at the old nunnery so long ago. How was he to say no? After all it just wouldn't be the same if Aziraphale did it himself. He leant in and kissed the Angel for the first time in so long. When he finally let the angel go he was back to his perfectly immaculate self from the top of his head to the toe of his boot. “Thank you” he whispered giving him another kiss. 

They had a lot of lost time to make up for and he wasn't going to waste a single second of it. 

“Come on my beautiful angel. Let's go to bed. I've been walking non stop for weeks and my feet need a good rest.” They finished the rest of their cocoa and Aziraphale lead him into the bedroom where they both carefully undressed the other. 

 

There was nothing sexual about the act of undressing each other it was just a moment of intimacy between to lovers as they climbed into the bed together wrapped up in each others arms as they drifted off to sleep. Usually it was he who liked to watch Aziraphale sleep but as he drifted off to sleep himself he could feel the angels gaze on him and the sheer amount of love radiating off him that he fell to sleep in the knowledge that everything was going to be alright.


End file.
